Interview with Mick Jagger
The interview with a mini pig that nobody asked for.
Absolutely no one.
Sporting a dapper yet playful bowtie, Mick greets us with a calm and friendly grunt. Relaxed and gracious, having offered us a carrot tonic (he takes his with a splash of water), Mick settles into a sunny corner of his immaculate and beautifully landscaped pen.
Here, we sit down with the acclaimed pig to find out more about his early years, daily wellness routine and what it’s really like being a life coach.
Get ready to enter the world of Mick Jagger The Mini Pig.
Where were you born?
A barn
Think fast! If you could be anywhere other than here, right this minute, where would you be?
In Yugoslavia. According to my namesake, Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones, in Yugoslavia you’ll never starve.
Name three words that you describe you.
Industrious, handsome, booksmart… I know how to count but if I had to add a fourth, I’d say hilarious.
What is your greatest weakness?
Much like Oscar Wilde, I can resist anything except temptation
What publications do you regularly read?
National Geographic, Scientific American and Garfield. Garfield is my spirit animal.
What’s your favorite day of the year?
My birthday because my people make me a mashed potato cake.
What do you do for a living?
I’m a life coach.
I was joking, but really? I thought you were a pig.
Yes. And I have wellness all figured out.
I help people discover their purpose and live healthier and more fulfilled lives.
For one bushel of apples a week* I can help you become the best version of yourself.
Four (4) easy payments of $4999.99 for five (5) coaching sessions. Buy four, get one free!
What is the best advice you have for me?
Enjoy your food, eat slowly and mindfully. Drink plenty of water. Spend time in the sun. Be nice to people who can reach the pedals in cars as they are the ones who can fetch you the best snacks and get to the feed store. Exercise daily – I recommend daily rooting and TABATA’s. Take plenty of naps. Accept belly and bum scratches when you need them. Keep your house tidy. Be kind to strangers because they can also provide snacks. Learn something new every once in a while. Insist on respect.
Contrary to popular belief, The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side of the fence (mainly because if it’s on my side of the fence, I’ve eaten it all)
What do your colleagues admire most about you?
Jay and Phil*, my imaginary colleagues, admire the award winning coaching methodologies that I’ve developed on achieving Optimal Work-Life Harmony© using my signature GOAL©
I mean, they are great but those dudes work way too much! The social media, podcasts, tv, skin care products, tea, books…
How many naps do they actually take a day with all that going on? For crabapples sake…
(*referring to Jay Shetty and Dr Phil)
What are you happiest doing, when you’re not working?
Sitting under my heat lamp, smoking a pretend pipe, whittling or re-reading Dickins.
What are some causes you care about?
Animal rights and welfare. Real advocate for veganism. Go vegan.
Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car?
I really want a motorcycle. They are soooo cool! I’m going to ask for one when I turn 5. *vroom vroom* I am studying for the M (Mickers) class license now. I have the handbook and everything.
If we went to happy hour, what would you order?
Guinness, just a ½ teaspoon. I like to have a beer every now and then.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
My vision board has my life coaching business really thriving.
My barn has a full HVAC system
I’ve got a California King bed made out of the world’s finest most ethically sourced and sustainable hotel quality straw.
Flashback to when you were 10 years old. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I’m 2 and an upandcomming life coach. Do your research.
And with that, Mick stands, grabs a light wool blanket and retires to the Chick-Inn for a nap, presumably.
Interview over.